Finale

4 Vintage, 4712 公元

We appear to have entered some kind of transition. Locked up for second time for relating suicidal ideation, last Fri realeased Tuesday.

This time was more productive, the Falls facility is much nicer than Buffalo and a number of other made it a teachable moment.

This time, I got to see some of my diagnosis and the process overall was more interesting. The psych MD was an Indian in Buffalo too, and this one a female, had negative reviews both live by the patients in the ward, and at the various online review venues. She (Kaliseelvi Rajendrean) prescribed Respiradol but wasn't insistent about it at all. I believe the diagnosis was just "Psychotic, suicidal ideation". There were all kinds of distortions of things I'd said and some comic stuff like "blatantly denies auditory and visual hallucinations".

I do have to face the fact that I have in fact not had a rational response to the widening distance between myself and any part of human society. I would be addressing this in the next period with the continuing rejuvenation but it's really moot if I don't get work in the next few days.

I'm actually in great health and mood, just apparently wedged as far as the social conditions are concerned. This is also probably more apparent than real, should be a high probability of next paid work starting in that period.

73 8-27 (O.S. 4721 黄帝紀年 8 月 27 )

I did get a job, my last on-site and there was a general financial upturn which actually began even during the episode above which actually stated in the local DSS office from which I was taken to the ward where the worker mentioned above was. The call for the job actually came while I was in the DSS workers cubicle. That then lead to an on-site job in Buffalo that paid $75K and for the next year or so there was also contracting and at the end of it I could take early social security. In both times that the NYS holding procedure was enforced on me, I was in dire straits as far as making ends meet and presented at different social service outlets saying I was suicidal. Actually one time I really was suicidal and was going to do it but a contract came in from Germany which led to the DNS/EPP stuff.

After Sept '14 that never recurred. When contracting petered out I became comfortable adapting to social security so that the next thing to overcome is breaking out of that financial rut.

The network activity display showed that this page was human accessed and I didn remember it so was surprised to see it, pleased to see that a decade on at a new frontier at about same time of year, spent labor day holiday in the ward above which was much nicer than the ECMC setup. Bigger, a really big room of your own, and not crowded, nice food and staff.

I guess life is full of such transitions. One I'm experiencing now is 'stop watching cartoons'. Ones I'm having a hard time with are like the Apple Foundation second season episodes which because I can view them pirated I waste time on them when I wouldn if I had to pay. And this is very different from not having the money to pay because even if I had billions I wouldn pay and that would block it but being able to get it for nothing requires asserting that it is garbage and a waste of time more effectively. This particular product is just an example and I really mean to include in it all garbagey or noisy or detrminental culture which ofc is the great and overwhelming bulk of it. Just think about time as money only infinitely more valuable igess.